One nice July day, a few years back, I was minding my own business when I got the following one-line email. It was so short and vague, I immediately assumed it was some kind of spam or scam that somehow made it past the wizards at google. Nevertheless, I could not help myself and had to open the attachments that went with it...
“Hi Patrick,
Fax was busy. Here is my info. thanks Tracey
Moments Matter
Tracey”
Like I said, it wasn't the email that struck me, so much as the attachments. My new buddy Tracey had just sent me her completed application to volunteer as a volleyball coach. According to her signature, moments matter. So there was no time to waste. Knowing Canadians to be such a polite people (aside from my one Canadian friend with whom I had shared an apartment), I figured I owed it to Tracey to promptly reply:
“Tracey,
Thank you so much for emailing this to me. It is like you are a psychic. For the last week I have been thinking that we need to put the volleyball court in our back yard to good use. I mean, some moron put it there when they built the house and now I am left to spend hours each summer trying to keep it somewhat weed free. I had just about reached the end of my patience. I was either going to hunt down the jerk that installed it and "thank him" for the 4 miserable hours I spent struggling with a rototiller last weekend, attempt to convert it to the world's largest ant farm, or invite the Women's Olympic Beach Volleyball team to come use the court. The Wife liked none of those ideas. And then, like that last Miller Lite hiding in the vegetable bin of my fridge at 1 in the morning, you show up out of nowhere to save me.
Yes. I will hold volleyball clinics in the back yard. I am sure there is money in that. I mean, in my neighborhood alone, there have to be a dozen people who need something to keep their brats busy during summer vacation. I would have thought about it sooner, but I know nothing about volleyball. Okay, okay... "Set, spike, serve". I know enough to say that. But literally nothing more. However if I have you as a teacher, I can get this thing off the ground.
I'm thinking that all-day volleyball camp might be a bit much though. I don't want to see the kids get burnt out. I think we could take some breaks from the court and let them do some art projects. They could refine their painting skills on the trim around the windows. Also, I think a lot of kids are missing out on the lost art of turf-grass management. I would be willing to donate all of my lawn tools to the cause and the kids could practice on my yard. Hell, I bet the neighbors would allow it also.
Anyhow, I am sure that at some point you will want to discuss pay. I am thinking we should just worry about the little details like that down the road. Let's get a few weeks under our belt and then we can talk specifics. Besides, I would hate to see you settle for a meager hourly wage. I am thinking that, in lieu of any cash payments, I could pay you in stock options. If this business goes global (and how wouldn't it?) you could be a millionaire.
Let me know what you think. I would love to hear your plans for advertising this and enrolling the students. Also, I am sure that you want to get to work fixing the net as soon as possible. We lowered it to badminton level, but my plan for starting a World Beach Badminton League has floundered. In the meantime, I am off to get some apropos beach volleyball wear. Thongs, right?
Cheers!
Patrick Maguire”
Poor Tracey. She must have really wanted to work with kids. Either the desire to volunteer was super strong, or she needed to show her probation officer that she was willing to do community service. Either way, Tracey took my message in stride and got right back to me:
“I think i need a miller!!???!!! lol
lucky for you, I am a Level 2 volleyball coach, competed in many beach tourneys and played university (a few moons ago!) lol. oh and I am a recreation therapist with some business smarts....wow you HAVE hit the jackpot!!!
ok so how are your stress levels? lol.”
That Tracey... Never one to be overly wordy. But I really did appreciate her putting it all out there. I'm not sure if this is more impressive as a resume, or as a profile on an online dating site, but SOMEBODY in Canada would be lucky to have Tracey on their team.
“Level 2, eh? I am always impressed by somebody who is willing to "take it to the next level". It seems as though people are always talking about this, but few ever do it.
What's this recreation therapy you speak of? Is that like massage therapy? I will admit that intrigues me but I'm afraid that if we start touching the kids we are going to be inviting Dateline's Chris Hansen to drop in on us. Not cool. Or are you saying you are into head games? That could really work for us. If things are looking iffy for the whole volleyball camp business, I may need you to work your mojo and convince these kids they are having fun and need to spend more of mom and dad' s money with us. Heck I'm thinking you can do some mind - shaping and add a little cult aspect to really grow the business model. Now I'm not saying "drink the Kool-Aid" cult, but more like I - phone or Crossfit cult. This is where you will have to combine your therapist and businesswoman roots.
We are going places.
My stress? There is none. I drink it all away while watching People's Court and Wheel of Fortune.
Tally ho!
Patrick”
Tracey was not going to be deterred from this stupid volunteering position no matter how weird or inappropriate my responses were.
“Always push the limits!
No touching required!! lol
Interesting you mention minds as my day job is "Minds in Motion" coordinator lol
Judge judy and family feud helps too i hear!!
bye for now! lol. see you thursday!”
Now this is where my stupid conscience got ahold of me. A better person would have let this go and allowed our friend Canadian Tracey to walk into that meeting and say something off the wall based on my email pre-screening of her. But it would seem that the end goal was to help kids. And kids in Canada need all the help they can get. So I let her down easy with the following exchange:
“OK Tracey,
I have to admit I was thoroughly stymied as to why you were emailing me and what this is all about. So I did some googling. Are you trying to work the BC Games? If so, I think you want to email maguirep@telus.ca. Do you need any references? The guy has a cool name so I'm sure he and I would hit it off.
In the meantime, keep my business proposal in mind. But keep it between us. I don't want anybody stealing my idea. And if you ever get down here to the states, come on over. I really do have a stupid sand volleyball court that I know nothing about and could use some advice.
I hope you have fun at the games and I wish you all the best in your endeavors!
Take it to the next level,
Patrick”
“LMAO. WELL i was being a good sport going along with you as your first email threw me for a loop and i had no idea what the geeezus you were talking about lol. i have never met the Canadian Patrick Maguire yet, so honestly i had no clue if you were on glue or what lol. you are VERY funny and creative!!! lol
where the heck are you? this truly is a weird twist of fate....how did you know i was looking for work??!!! haha
your business idea is safe with me......very strange happening for sure....do you believe things happen for a reason?? lol.”
See that? In the true Canadian way, she accuses me of sniffing glue but tries to compliment me in the same sentence. And that last sentence... Was she looking to make a special connection there? Didn't she catch when I said The Wife was in the picture? Homewrecker. A few days later I followed up:
“Hey Tracey,
It's Patrick. The one in the states. I have been anxiously wondering all day just how your interview went. Details, please.”
“Hello PM in the states!! You are too kind....Well it is just a volunteer position and i met the other PM this afternoon and we enjoyed the little story :):) too funny....”
There is a part of me that will always wish I had kept this going until the day of her interview. But I also sort of believe in karma. I've recently followed up with Tracey to see how things went. If I hear back I will be sure to update. Until then I will be able to rest easy knowing that even in far-away lands like Canadia, they enjoy some of the same things as us: beer and volleyball. What an amazing world.
“Hi Patrick,
Fax was busy. Here is my info. thanks Tracey
Moments Matter
Tracey”
Like I said, it wasn't the email that struck me, so much as the attachments. My new buddy Tracey had just sent me her completed application to volunteer as a volleyball coach. According to her signature, moments matter. So there was no time to waste. Knowing Canadians to be such a polite people (aside from my one Canadian friend with whom I had shared an apartment), I figured I owed it to Tracey to promptly reply:
“Tracey,
Thank you so much for emailing this to me. It is like you are a psychic. For the last week I have been thinking that we need to put the volleyball court in our back yard to good use. I mean, some moron put it there when they built the house and now I am left to spend hours each summer trying to keep it somewhat weed free. I had just about reached the end of my patience. I was either going to hunt down the jerk that installed it and "thank him" for the 4 miserable hours I spent struggling with a rototiller last weekend, attempt to convert it to the world's largest ant farm, or invite the Women's Olympic Beach Volleyball team to come use the court. The Wife liked none of those ideas. And then, like that last Miller Lite hiding in the vegetable bin of my fridge at 1 in the morning, you show up out of nowhere to save me.
Yes. I will hold volleyball clinics in the back yard. I am sure there is money in that. I mean, in my neighborhood alone, there have to be a dozen people who need something to keep their brats busy during summer vacation. I would have thought about it sooner, but I know nothing about volleyball. Okay, okay... "Set, spike, serve". I know enough to say that. But literally nothing more. However if I have you as a teacher, I can get this thing off the ground.
I'm thinking that all-day volleyball camp might be a bit much though. I don't want to see the kids get burnt out. I think we could take some breaks from the court and let them do some art projects. They could refine their painting skills on the trim around the windows. Also, I think a lot of kids are missing out on the lost art of turf-grass management. I would be willing to donate all of my lawn tools to the cause and the kids could practice on my yard. Hell, I bet the neighbors would allow it also.
Anyhow, I am sure that at some point you will want to discuss pay. I am thinking we should just worry about the little details like that down the road. Let's get a few weeks under our belt and then we can talk specifics. Besides, I would hate to see you settle for a meager hourly wage. I am thinking that, in lieu of any cash payments, I could pay you in stock options. If this business goes global (and how wouldn't it?) you could be a millionaire.
Let me know what you think. I would love to hear your plans for advertising this and enrolling the students. Also, I am sure that you want to get to work fixing the net as soon as possible. We lowered it to badminton level, but my plan for starting a World Beach Badminton League has floundered. In the meantime, I am off to get some apropos beach volleyball wear. Thongs, right?
Cheers!
Patrick Maguire”
Poor Tracey. She must have really wanted to work with kids. Either the desire to volunteer was super strong, or she needed to show her probation officer that she was willing to do community service. Either way, Tracey took my message in stride and got right back to me:
“I think i need a miller!!???!!! lol
lucky for you, I am a Level 2 volleyball coach, competed in many beach tourneys and played university (a few moons ago!) lol. oh and I am a recreation therapist with some business smarts....wow you HAVE hit the jackpot!!!
ok so how are your stress levels? lol.”
That Tracey... Never one to be overly wordy. But I really did appreciate her putting it all out there. I'm not sure if this is more impressive as a resume, or as a profile on an online dating site, but SOMEBODY in Canada would be lucky to have Tracey on their team.
“Level 2, eh? I am always impressed by somebody who is willing to "take it to the next level". It seems as though people are always talking about this, but few ever do it.
What's this recreation therapy you speak of? Is that like massage therapy? I will admit that intrigues me but I'm afraid that if we start touching the kids we are going to be inviting Dateline's Chris Hansen to drop in on us. Not cool. Or are you saying you are into head games? That could really work for us. If things are looking iffy for the whole volleyball camp business, I may need you to work your mojo and convince these kids they are having fun and need to spend more of mom and dad' s money with us. Heck I'm thinking you can do some mind - shaping and add a little cult aspect to really grow the business model. Now I'm not saying "drink the Kool-Aid" cult, but more like I - phone or Crossfit cult. This is where you will have to combine your therapist and businesswoman roots.
We are going places.
My stress? There is none. I drink it all away while watching People's Court and Wheel of Fortune.
Tally ho!
Patrick”
Tracey was not going to be deterred from this stupid volunteering position no matter how weird or inappropriate my responses were.
“Always push the limits!
No touching required!! lol
Interesting you mention minds as my day job is "Minds in Motion" coordinator lol
Judge judy and family feud helps too i hear!!
bye for now! lol. see you thursday!”
Now this is where my stupid conscience got ahold of me. A better person would have let this go and allowed our friend Canadian Tracey to walk into that meeting and say something off the wall based on my email pre-screening of her. But it would seem that the end goal was to help kids. And kids in Canada need all the help they can get. So I let her down easy with the following exchange:
“OK Tracey,
I have to admit I was thoroughly stymied as to why you were emailing me and what this is all about. So I did some googling. Are you trying to work the BC Games? If so, I think you want to email maguirep@telus.ca. Do you need any references? The guy has a cool name so I'm sure he and I would hit it off.
In the meantime, keep my business proposal in mind. But keep it between us. I don't want anybody stealing my idea. And if you ever get down here to the states, come on over. I really do have a stupid sand volleyball court that I know nothing about and could use some advice.
I hope you have fun at the games and I wish you all the best in your endeavors!
Take it to the next level,
Patrick”
“LMAO. WELL i was being a good sport going along with you as your first email threw me for a loop and i had no idea what the geeezus you were talking about lol. i have never met the Canadian Patrick Maguire yet, so honestly i had no clue if you were on glue or what lol. you are VERY funny and creative!!! lol
where the heck are you? this truly is a weird twist of fate....how did you know i was looking for work??!!! haha
your business idea is safe with me......very strange happening for sure....do you believe things happen for a reason?? lol.”
See that? In the true Canadian way, she accuses me of sniffing glue but tries to compliment me in the same sentence. And that last sentence... Was she looking to make a special connection there? Didn't she catch when I said The Wife was in the picture? Homewrecker. A few days later I followed up:
“Hey Tracey,
It's Patrick. The one in the states. I have been anxiously wondering all day just how your interview went. Details, please.”
“Hello PM in the states!! You are too kind....Well it is just a volunteer position and i met the other PM this afternoon and we enjoyed the little story :):) too funny....”
There is a part of me that will always wish I had kept this going until the day of her interview. But I also sort of believe in karma. I've recently followed up with Tracey to see how things went. If I hear back I will be sure to update. Until then I will be able to rest easy knowing that even in far-away lands like Canadia, they enjoy some of the same things as us: beer and volleyball. What an amazing world.